Sunday, December 14, 2008

Even Santa Can Have A Marriage Crisis

When you or your partner question you commitment to your marriage, you feel as though your situation is abnormal. You feel ashamed or guilty for you or your partner's uncertain commitment to the marriage. Yet a crisis in a marriage is actually more common than you may think.

Often my clients find that when they open up to others about their marriage crisis, that other family members and friends share stories of uncertain times in their marriage.

A crisis reflects both dissatisfaction with the marriage and the opportunity for a new, improved relationship. I liken a marriage crisis to the stock market. When stocks are overpriced, then stock prices are prone to sharp drops. These sharp changes are described as market corrections.

Similarly, a crisis in your marriage can signal the need for a correction in the relationship. With the crisis comes greater willingness to examine how the relationship has been negotiated. Has one partner been too passive and allowed their spouse to largely define the relationship. Has one been too aggressive negotiating for what he or she wants. Either way, the marriage becomes an unequal partnership defined by one partner rather than each.

A crisis can trigger a renegotiation of the relationship that offers the opportunity to compromise what each partner wants in order to create a mutually satisfying relationship.

Perhaps Santa must make up for devoting so much time to work prior to Christmas. Mrs. Claus needs the opportunity to redefine their relationship so that they can spend more time together and reassess their priorities. Santa may need to devote more time to letting Mrs. Claus know how important she is in his life.


Reblog this post [with Zemanta]