Wednesday, July 10, 2013

“I Deserve Better”: Managing Expectation in Marriage



You enter marriage with certain expectations. To be fair, these expectations were largely met when you were dating. When your expectations were not met, it seemed you only had to mention this for your partner to respond by telling you that he or she wanted to meet your expectations.

So what happened?

Now you feel deprived of the same treatment you received in the past. It is as though your relationship has become an elaborate bait and switch. Your expectations were set up only be disappointed after marriage. Aren't you entitled to expect the same treatment after marriage that your partner offered when you were dating?

When your expectations are not met, you approach your partner with your concerns but now your concerns are ignored. Now you’re feeling angry; you are only asking for what is right, the same as you once received without even having to ask! You feel you deserve better!

When you approach your partner with expectations based on being entitled, you are telling your partner that he or she should be doing something. Your partner’s reaction is likely to be resistance, either actively saying no or passively putting you off.

Either way, you will not get what you want by telling your partner that he or she is obliged to deliver what you want.

Read my post on Negotiating a Relationship and discover a more effective means for attracting change in your relationship.