Monday, June 10, 2013

Giver, Taker or Matcher


Couple power struggle
Who is getting the best deal in your relationship? Do you tend to give more than your partner? Do you allow your partner to give more, but you assume this is alright with your partner? Or, do you believe that while you give in different ways, you each demonstrate caring behaviors equally (OK roughly equally – it feels equal but you really have no need to tally up the score)?

Givers offer more emotional, physical and/or sexual connection than their partner. They take the lead in pursuing connection. Often they justify giving more as a sign that they love their partner and that giving is a path to attracting their partner’s love. Others believe that they have a nurturing personality; it’s just the way they are.

Takers are needy and require much emotional, physical and/or sexual reassurance of their partner’s love. Or a taker can simply approach relationships in a shallow manner and not consider their partner’s needs unless their partner shares his or her needs.

Matchers are sensitive to power struggles and are careful to give and take in proportion, but they are constantly auditing the relationship to make sure that it is even. Or matchers can be drawn to caring because they feel cared for.

The healthiest relationships give and take in proportion, but they share warmly, not through a cold assessment of what is shared.

Ask yourself, who is getting the best deal in my relationship? Do I feel nurtured or am I the one doing the bulk of the nurturing? What would I like to receive from my partner and how can I attract my partner to give me what I want?

Often an easy answer to this last question is to simply share your desires in a vulnerable tone of voice which challenges your partner to actively care for you.