You don’t commit to romance, you commit to the relationship. Romance is pleasure, relationship is work. Passion provides the motivation in romance, but relationship is motivated by a desire to address anything that causes emotional, physical or sexual detachment.
Four Reasons to Avoid the Work of Relationship
Assumptions It is easy to assume that your partner is satisfied with the relationship and that he or she feels as attached as you. Partners are often surprised to learn that their partner has withheld feelings of dissatisfaction, often over many months, even years. Avoid assumptions and talk to your partner about your relationship, both its strengths and weaknesses.
Laziness Avoid putting relationship issues aside because they are too much trouble to address. This form of procrastination rewards by avoiding tension, but the tension is only delayed. Make it your policy to address issues as they arise. Sweat the small issues and avoid creating bigger issues.
No plan Have a plan for how you want to approach relationship issues. Avoid talking about your partner and instead tell your partner about yourself. Think about what you want to say! Share your discomfort in a way that challenges to care about your concern, rather than telling your partner to change and triggering a defensive response.
Distractions Family life is full of distractions, many which demand our attention and some that are another source of pleasure. Make sure that you have not filled your life with so many distractions that you have not left time to address your relationship. Don’t fall into the trap that says if we are going to work, raising children and having fun together, then we are doing all we need to have a good relationship.