Welcome to guest blogger Waverly Hanson, author of How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
Differences are inevitable no matter how much you love your significant other. Eventually there will be something that creates tension because you disagree. When that happens, it's important that you know how to handle it. The difference between a strong couple and one destined to break up is not that the strong couples do not fight, it's that they know how to deal with differences constructively and know when to pick their battles.
Differences are inevitable no matter how much you love your significant other. Eventually there will be something that creates tension because you disagree. When that happens, it's important that you know how to handle it. The difference between a strong couple and one destined to break up is not that the strong couples do not fight, it's that they know how to deal with differences constructively and know when to pick their battles.
Some things are worth fighting for, but some things are not.
So, how can you tell when to compromise and when to be firm in your views, feelings and desires?
Friends and Family
Everyone needs friends and family for support. If your partner wants to isolate you from them, then that's harmful, perhaps even abusive. Yet, it's important that you and your partner present a united front to friends and family. Remember that your marriage is your primary relationship and do not allow friends and family to interfere.
Your Dreams
If you've always dreamed of going to medical school, starting
your own business, or learning a musical instrument and your partner tries to
stop you; hold strong to these important goals. There may be room for compromise,
such as waiting to start school, attending part time or working part time, but
completely giving up is not a fair solution.
If you're the one who has a partner who is
doing something that you dislike, think about why it's a big deal. What does
this dream mean to the other person in the relationship? Your partner is
someone you love, and their dreams are a part of what makes them tick. Unless
what they want to do is illegal or objectively dangerous, why not give
them your support?
The Way They Treat You
You need to value yourself, and your partner needs to treat
you well. Likewise, you need to treat him or her well. If you are constantly belittled, criticized, controlled, or humiliated, then you are not being treated with the respect you deserve.
Someone who loves you will make you feel good about yourself and build you up,
not run you down. It's as simple as that.
Your Beliefs
Your beliefs - whether religious, ethical or political - are
a part of who you are. Your spouse does not have to agree with you. In fact, some of the best and healthiest relationships are between people
who disagree on key points but can do so in a calm and intelligent manner.
Healthy, reasoned debates are stimulating for the mind. If debates turn into personal attacks and emotional and/or physical abuse, you must take steps to distance from this person.
Small Stuff versus Big Issues
Before you confront your spouse about something that is annoying you, think about whether it's
really a big issue. Should you simply be more patient? Things like how they fold laundry, which way they hang the toilet paper or
whether or not they want to attend the ballet simply do not matter in the grand
scheme of things. However, if issues are omnipresent, it might be a sign
of a bigger underlying issue. It may be indicative of a lack of respect, a
lack of trust, or another issue that should be addressed before it tears you apart.
Communicate clearly and calmly, and pick your battles for a
happy, healthy relationship.
About the Author
Waverly Hanson is the best-selling author of “How to
Divorce-Proof Your Marriage” available on Amazon in print and Kindle formats.
She has been assisting individuals and couples with relationship and life
transformations for more than 25 years as a therapist, counselor, coach and
consultant. Visit her website http://marriagecounselingonline.mywebpal.com”>
marriagecounselingonline.mywebpal.com
