Women make the mistake of thinking men only want sex or that men want what women want. Men have different desires than women but do not just want sex.
It’s difficult to ask a man what he wants. Men are very good at telling their partner what they do not want (typically the absence of tension and conflict), but not so good at asking for what they want.
Part of the problem is that men are concrete and have difficulty describing more abstract aspects of the relationship, but they know what they like when they are experiencing it. Men also have difficulty giving voice to their desires when they are aware of what they want, it’s similar to their discomfort with asking for directions.
The fact is that men are looking for a friend, a best friend. Now you must understand that a man does not measure friendship the same as you would with a girlfriend. Guys are drawn to sharing activities while women connect through sharing verbally. I understand that men must learn to connect verbally, but women must also understand the power of their shared activities with their partner.
If sharing activities has you thinking of taking vacations, going to sporting events, or even going out to a fancy restaurant, you may be missing the mark. I find that most men want companionship in fairly simple settings like watching TV, competing in a game, or drinking a beer. The problem is that women often jump on these simple settings to discuss relationship issues which is not what their partner wants. Men want to keep it simple, perhaps having little conversation.
In a previous blog, Distant Men, Frustrated Women I discussed how to approach a man for emotional connection, but there are other times when you want to focus on simply being together and letting your partner know that this contact is important to you.