Sunday, January 11, 2009

Can This Marriage Be Saved: Assessing Hope



This question often centers on questions like:
  • Can I forgive this hurt?
  • Can we learn to communicate?
  • Does he/she really love me?
  • Will my partner quit abusing alcohol/porn/me?
While such questions are important, they can rarely be answered with certainty. Verbal promises sure don't ensure that change will occur. Neither personal counseling, marital counseling, rehab, or religious conversion ensures that change will occur. Finally, even if change occurs, you can't be sure that this will lead to a satisfying marriage.

Since there is no certain answer to this question, you can only ask:
  • Do I have reasonable hope that my marriage can become satisfying?
Hope for a satisfying marriage keeps us from divorce. Belief that the marriage can improve will maintain motivation. Hopelessness is the enemy of the marriage. In the next post, I will discuss how to realistically communicate hope for the future of the marriage and what it means to make a reasonable decision.
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