Saturday, February 5, 2011

I Wish I had Your Marriage

CBR001089

How many times have you observed another couple and thought, “I wish I had her (or his) marriage.” From what you observe, it appears that the couple have the type of relationship you imagined you would have with your partner. But now that seems out of reach.

Comparing your relationship to another’s is a sign of dissatisfaction in your relationship, but comparison shopping is only reinforces your dissatisfaction.  Much better is to ask yourself, “If my marriage were to be like their marriage, how would it be different?” Then ask, “What can I do to bring improvement to my relationship with my partner.”

Pain can cause you to search for an escape. In marriage, this escape comes in the belief that another partner would love you the way you deserve. Yet, those who remarry are more likely to divorce again than those who marry for the first time.

Make an effort to attract your partner’s willingness to join you in addressing your relationship, but how can you address this issue with your partner.

If you approach him or her with your dissatisfaction and urge him or her to change, I can practically guarantee you will receive a defensive response. Instead share your feelings and desires. Saying, “I feel distant from you and I want us to be close. How can we improve our relationship?” is more likely to get results because you are not blaming your partner and you are taking responsibility for your part in improving the relationship.

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