Thursday, May 28, 2009

Why Men Stop Cheating


Some estimate that over 60% of marriages include sexual infidelity. While this is certainly bad news, the good news is that most men and women only cheat once. An important question is why do men and women cheat, but another important question is why do they cheat just once?

I find that affairs often help both the offending partner and their spouse to gain greater appreciation for their marriage and lead both to value the relationship more. As the relationship gains value, regret for the affair increases which makes a repeated affair less likely.

If your partner has an affair, you want to know that it will not happen again. Unfortunately, there is no way your partner can do more than verbally assure you that it will not happen again. Instead of asking this question, answer these questions:
  1. Does my partner demonstrate appreciation for the pain caused by the affair?
  2. Does my partner try to understand the reason for the affair and make an effort to strengthen his or her future decision making?
  3. Have we been able to emotionally connect in a way that suggests we can have a better connection than in the past?
  4. Have we each identified ways to show our partner that he or she is valued?
  5. Do I feel valued?
If you see these changes, then it is reasonable to believe that your marriage can become a stable, loving relationship that lasts a lifetime.

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