- Not doing your "homework" between sessions
- Only thinking about and processing the issues while you are in session
- Avoiding true participation in session and keeping everything "light"
- Trying to run the therapy yourself by determining what you "can" and "can't" talk about
- Being a sporadic visitor to counseling
- Hiding information from your counselor
- Undermining counseling by picking fights, minimizing what the counselor teaches, and bad behaviors
- Being a "yes man" - saying yes to what your counselor teaches and then not doing it
- Refusing to make behavioral changes
- Being disrespectful of the counseling directly or indirectly when not there
- Blaming (overtly or covertly) your partner for everything
- Not allowing your couples' counselor to speak to your individual therapist
- Dropping out of therapy without processing the end with your counselor
I enjoy Kim Leatherdale’s, LPC, ATR-BC, NCC blog, Creating Rewarding Relationships
In a recent post she lists some of the signs of a lack of commitment to couples counseling. I think this is an excellent list and hope you will also check out her signs of commitment to couples therapy.
A lack of commitment can reflect one partner’s power being the deciding force in seeking therapy. Take time to agree on seeking therapy, even if this means delaying choosing a therapist.